


In Corolla

by GrayJedi11



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: -writes this directly after the one fic i posted with no angst-, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Depressed Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Drowning, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sad Ending, Songfic, Suicidal Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The Mountain Goats, but we don't talk about that one, eat, except for my first fic, go drink some water, i didn't look over it though so don't expect too much, i doubt many people will read it, i'll give you more if you take care of yourselves, if y'all are sad and reading this im giving you all telepathic hugs, only virgil is actually in any scenes though, self care bishes, sorry - Freeform, this was therapeutic to write, vaguely open end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:06:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24352564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayJedi11/pseuds/GrayJedi11
Summary: it's finally over.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 84





	In Corolla

_The day I turned my back on all you people  
I felt an itching in my thumbs  
The salt air like a broadcast from the distant, dark beyond  
When my transformation comes_

Virgil thought of Roman. Patton. Logan. Janus. Remus. Everyone he was leaving behind.

It would be worth it. It had to be.

He hoped no one followed him. He’d left with an “I love you” to the whole of them at Christmas. They’d seemed worried, but not enough. Not enough to ask him why he left. His hands gripped the steering wheel, a panging in his heart digging further. Yet still, his eyes refused to cry.

He reminded himself what this was bringing him. Peace.

_I went down to the warm, warm water  
Saw a pelican fly past  
Waved once at the highway and then left all that behind me  
I went wading through the grass_

The highway. He’d gone on so many adventures there. This would be his last.

He was leaving his friends behind, his life, himself. There was nothing here for him. Not even Christmas. He had to watch them laughing, smiling, being loved. When he couldn’t have any of that. He swore to smile one more time.

It was forced and uncomfortable, but gentle. The long-lost but familiar feeling of one cheek rising was enough to pull water from his eyes. Finally.

At least he could cry.

_And no one was gonna come and get me  
There wasn't anybody gonna know  
Even though I leave a trail of burned things in my wake  
Every single place I go_

No one would follow him. He knew it wasn’t because they didn’t care, but because Virgil did these things all the time. Said vague things, did vague things. Everything was going to be okay from now on.

He’d no longer ruin everything. Distract them with panic attacks. Hurt them when he needed help. They’d finally be free of him.

_And it was cool, and it was quiet  
In the humid marsh down there  
I let my head sink down beneath the brackish water  
Felt it gumming up my hair_

The water tugged at his hoodie, weighing him down like this feeling was. It’d be over soon, he promised. This was going to be okay.

He could feel everything around him. Water, reeds, algae, maybe even something touching his leg. He didn’t care this time. He should have been running out of the water, getting a comfort hug from Patton. He shouldn’t be able to go in the water anymore at this point, watching the others hang around in the gross water instead. He always did this. Bring them down, annoy them, exclude himself.

He liked to imagine what life would have been like if none of this had happened. No blood could ever comfort him, no stress would stop him from being a person. It was something he was never allowed to know. Ever since he could remember, there was always the nagging black dog sitting around. It would finally be gone.

_The sun was sinking into the Atlantic  
The last time that I turned my back on you  
I tried to summon up a little prayer as I went under  
It was the best that I could do_

It was beautiful, what he could see. Roman would have loved it, thought it romantic and gone to kiss someone’s cheek as a joke. They all would have laughed and gone back to hanging out calmly, Logan probably talking about the stars that began to appear. 

He hoped that it didn’t hurt them. That the slim chance that they actually loved him wasn’t true. That they were happier without him. He hoped it would be a relief. He hoped there were no tears. He hoped there was no funeral. 

He was leaving them behind. There was nothing he could do to avoid this. It was never a matter of “if” but “when.” He was surprised he managed 27 years.

He should have done this long ago.

_And I said  
"Let them all fare better than your servant"  
The reeds all pricking at my skin  
"Here's hoping they have better luck than I had down here with you"  
All that water rushing in_

It felt good to know where he was. Not a trace of anxiety crossed him now. Just the emptiness that led him here in the first place. He knew they would do better. He hoped they’d live forever.

He didn’t deserve to.  
Once he was gone, they would have good lives. Free of an annoyance, free of his pain. They were going to be okay, and so was he. It wasn’t selfish if he was doing it for someone else too. There was no argument to this one, no problem of hurting others vs. hurting yourself. It wasn’t going to hurt.

As the water filled him, he swore he could hear his name called distant and muffled. It didn’t matter now if they’d come to get him, tracked his phone. It was only pity.

He would be okay.

They all would.


End file.
